All week, I have had this frustratingly obscure feeling of suffocation. I haven't been able to exactly define or express this state I've been stuck in until now. Until this thunderstorm. Sometimes I absolutely abhor Colorado's complete and utter lack of consistency when it comes to the weather, but today I am grateful for its bipolar nature. Listening to the distant, gentle roll of thunder and smelling that unbelievably intoxicating aroma of falling rain is the greatest relief I have felt in a very long time, a massive boulder that has finally been lifted off my chest.
I have never been good with feelings, or, more precisely, the expression thereof. I usually do not discuss the emotions I experience for I am often incapable of defining them, let alone expressing them. Even since I was a child, every time I was in a mood or threw a tantrum, my mother would tell me, "Use your words." I am still working on this. I need more time than most to process and fully understand my feelings. I am not quite sure if this is an indication of simple immaturity or just a character flaw, yet like I said, I'm working on it. And perhaps I will never get it quite right, but I think I would be okay with that because as I am becoming increasingly acquainted with the person I am at present, I am simultaneously and slowly discovering the person who I would like to be, and adept emotional literacy is not necessarily an essential quality within that rubric.
With that said, I am not certain why this thunderstorm brought so much comfort to my soul (forgive the cliché) today, but give me a little more time and I might find the answer (or I might not).
Until next time,
IreneJK
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